Find out more about Dr Gluss at https://www.daraknothealth.com/

00:38 Guest Introduction: Dr. Howard Gluss

00:48 The Story Behind the Name 'Dr. Howie'

02:39 Funny Anecdotes from Dr. Howie's Past

07:51 Exploring the Concept of Connection

08:58 Therapeutic Insights on Connection

11:41 The Role of Disconnection in Therapy

16:02 Connecting with Patients: Techniques and Practices

18:43 Mastering Mindfulness and Active Listening

19:54 Overcoming Stage Fright and Anxiety

22:19 Connecting Through Performance and Media

25:00 Balancing Personal and Professional Connections

25:52 Navigating Toxic Relationships

30:07 The Power of Vulnerability in Relationships

35:31 The Importance of Connection in Challenging Times

37:36 Final Thoughts and Farewell

And please let me know what you would like to hear more of in future episodes by leaving comments at https://www.connectionrequested.com

We kick off Season two with singer, musician, and close friend, Chesney Hawkes, as the guest. Chesney shares the origin of his unique name, his first job experience, and his deep-rooted relationship with music. We talk about the emotional power of music and its connections. We also get Chesney's perspective on performing, songwriting, and engaging with his audience through stories.

Find out more from Chesney’s website: https://chesneyhawkes.com/ where you can find details of all his scheduled gigs, including the O2 Academy, Islington at the end of this month.

And please let me know what you would like to hear more of in future episodes by leaving comments at https://www.connectionrequested.com/

I feared that it shows too much.

Fear sucks…

I love bees and I don't know why.

It's taken me a while to discover that I love bees. Maybe 55 years or so. 🙄

I started beekeeping over a year ago and just extracted my first honey on Friday, which happened to be my 21st wedding anniversary too. Lynn helped me with the honey extraction, mostly filming the small harvesting process.

Suddenly it felt like all the love was in one place, Lynn and I working together and the bounty from the bees.

Can you really feel connected to the bees? I don't think I would have said yes to that before I started beekeeping.

Part of the connection, I think, is that the bees are free to leave. At any time they can decide to leave, try somewhere different. I guess the same goes for Lynn and I, we could leave any time but for over 21 years have chosen to stay.

When I watch documentaries about bees I inexplicably tear up with emotions I don't understand. I don't feel particularly sad, or happy, though most bee documentaries are not exactly positive affirmations for society. I literally have no control over these emotions and completely no understanding of them either. And they are hilariously predictable - much to Lynn's glee!

It's a bit like tearing up when watching old family videos or looking at old photos of friends who have passed. There’s a memory of happiness and a sadness of loss. But with insects!

Connection is love.

I can't control it or conquer it.

I can just try to notice it and nurture it.

Mark

• Haven’t published any podcasts here.

• Haven’t published any ‘written work’ here.

I say ‘written work’ cos I’m not really sure what to call this. A blog? A newsletter?

What if it didn’t matter?

What if I just write when I want to write?

What if I podcast when I want to podcast?

What if this ‘Connection Requested’ thing changed?

Connection Requested started when I was inspired by the weirdness I observed with LinkedIn connections. I’m talking about those LinkedIn connections that are requested by people whom I don’t know and who generally don’t make any other connection beyond the request. So I thought I’d create a podcast to demonstrate how storytelling, just basic old storytelling, is how we can connect with almost anyone.

Initially, I think the Connection Requested podcast was also partly to do with me wanting to connect to others. Often in my life, I haven’t felt “a part of.” I’ve felt different, and even excluded. I don’t hate it though. Often I value my independence and cherish my time alone. I’ve always had the wrong accent; English when growing up in Scotland and Scottish from the moment I left Scotland. Sometimes having the wrong accent is great as you stand out, and sometimes it’s awful for exactly the same reason.

But what if Connection Requested looked wider and focused on trying to understand and make sense of human connection more generally?

The world seems so fragmented and yet human DNA is approximately 99.6% identical.1 For all the racism and sexism (and all the other isms) we are 99.6% the same. So as we are all basically the same physically, we must have some work to do on our hearts and our minds.

I know that sounds all well and good until the first person you meet isn’t on the same book, never mind the same page. I’m not saying that horrible words, traumatic actions, or thoughtless behaviors are in any way ok. I just think that in a lot of situations, I’ll learn more if I ask some questions and we swap some personal stories of our perspectives. Even if nothing else changes, I’ll have learned something.

Even if all I learned was that there’s something I really don’t understand! 😀

There’s a lot I don’t know. A lot that I wish I’d learned decades ago.

What if I continue Connection Requested as a request for all of us to learn how to connect a little more often, with a little more curiosity, and a little less skepticism?

I hope you connect with someone today,

Mark

PS I thought should have a picture for this post so I prompted MidJouney AI to create me an image of “human connection between a Democrat and a Republican”…

It’s not pretty!

Were you enjoying the silence? Sorry to disturb your serenity. I'll try to type quietly.

I hope you’ve had a good year. I didn’t mean to down tools for a year with respect to my podcast, it just sort of happened. I don’t really have a good answer as to why. Perhaps it was because the world was so noisy I didn’t want to add to it.

I did try recording some new episodes with a new format. Although they were really fun to record, the new format meant editing and my perfectionism got in the way. Of all of my character defects, perfectionism is the most frustrating. Sure perfectionism might have saved my life when I used to do my own car and motorcycle maintenance, but now it stops me from making progress with projects where the biggest risk is some embarrassment.

So this year I want to progress differently. I’m going to make mistooks! 🤪

I will judge this year’s success by the number and size of the mistakes I publish. No mistakes will mean I will have failed in my progress for the year.

It’s not that I want to make any old mistake, just for the sake of it. It’s more about the recognition that the people who make the fewest mistakes, are also the people who achieve the least.

But I still don’t want to just add noise to an already noisy world. I think this feeling of noisiness is because we are failing to connect effectively. I want to support and promote human connection becasue I believe that better connection will lead us to either less noise or a better ability to tune it out.

Publishing post this may be one of my first mistakes of the year!

Love to all,

Mark

This week we connect with Lee's stories. Check out her LinkedIn profile either before or after listening to this episode.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lee-allison-7983aa6/

And have a read of her blog: https://grayhorsediaries.com

Let me know if there’s someone or something that you’d like to hear next season.

Data is great, but humans connect with storytelling.

Here’s the caption video and transcript:

Transcript:

Welcome to Connection Requested, the podcast about making better connections with other humans, one guest at a time. I'm your host, Mark Tweddle co-founder of You Tell Yours, providing online events to create stronger connections in your group, community, or team. I started this podcast because I rarely know the people who request to connect with me on LinkedIn.

But whether it's Facebook Friends, LinkedIn Connections, or Followers as they're called everywhere else on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, wherever, social media doesn't easily provide the kind of meaningful connections that I seek in my life.

This is episode 16 and it's the beginning of December 2021.

This part of the year, the trifecta of stress events, is all about connecting with family, both conventional and chosen, and of course our friends.

So I think this is a good time to end this first season of the podcast, while we focus on those connections that we've already made.

This year, I've met a lot of wonderful people and I've learned a lot about podcasting as well as connecting.

For season two, I think we'll change things a little when I come back in January. I say January, just so that I can hold myself accountable. Next season, maybe I'll do some longer episodes with interviews, maybe even a few stories of my own.

If there's something that you'd like to hear do, let me know.

But first, let's hear this week's guest.

I've known Lee, Allison for a while. And this episode was recorded the day after we had Thanksgiving together, where I beat everyone at Scrabble. Yes. This lowly engineer beat his professional writer wife at Scrabble.

And Lee is my witness!

Let's get started.

Two minutes to tell the story of your name with no preparation.

No one else can tell that story better than you.

You are the subject matter expert after all.

I'm not positive of the origins. I recall my mother saying that her father, liked the name. Maybe it had something to do with the name, Leanne or Lee. And actually, my family calls me Leeann and when I was born, my mother tells me her intention was that would be my full first name - Leeanne.

But she spelled it, because I come from a family of simple folk, phonetically, L E E N A N N. And so when my birth certificate was typed up, it was Lee, middle name- Ann, Allison and my mom was like that's not what I meant. And I was like, why didn't you give it a cool French spelling or something? But no, no. Simple Midwest people. We don't do fancy.

My family called me Leanne forever and it wasn't a bad name to grow up with. There's not a whole lot derogatory you can make out of it. I got Lee Ann PeeAnn, you know I got stuff like that. Really not a whole lot you can do with it. My older brother used to call me Leander, which was an old Roman name.

I don't even know where that came from. It was good. When I left home at an awfully early age I kept it. It was Lee, Ann, Allison, which by the way, are three first names. Throws people off all the time.

If I had a nickel for every time I was called Allison, I would be wealthy and retired somewhere right now. But when I went into the military, I ultimately was running out of money for college. I was, I was by myself. I was very young and I had grown up a military brat. I decided to go in the military and then it became Lee, middle initial- A, Allison, and I became someone else.

It became a new persona and somebody completely different. but still LeeAnn to my family.

Thanks Lee.

I wonder if, in this digital age, there'll be fewer stories of birth certificates or registration errors in people's name stories.

My family name Tweddle was Tweedale only a few generations ago. And then probably my ancestor couldn't write. And the registrar couldn't hear the mumbled last name. Or of course, maybe they had an accent?

Anyhow, you're getting to know Lee, the lady of many first names.

Let's hear Lee's two-minute story, starting with the words, " My first job."

My first job as with many things in my life came about because I was ticked off at something. I didn't come from a rich family, but my parents, you know, we did OK. They came from pretty poor backgrounds, but they worked their way up. We didn't really want for things as kids, but we also weren't overindulged generally.

However, when my sister, who was several years older than me, which I like to remind her, was younger. My parents got her horse. She loved horses. My parents got her horse, but she had to pay ultimately for the board and the upkeep. So it was sort of a trade-off.

When I hit the same age, they asked me if I wanted a horse or a car.

And at that point, as much as I loved horses, I was all about school, kids, boys, cars. I wanted a car. So I got my mother's used ' Pinto. Thanks, mom, dad. I got a car so I could drive back and forth from school. It was great. And then at a certain point, I guess I made one too many phone calls to my mother asking for gas money and she was like, " Listen, you're responsible for gas."

So it was a little like, we'll get you a horse, but you have to pay for all this stuff. You got a car and you pay for gas. And I think she really expected me to stop driving or do something else. She worked, so I was on the phone with her when she was telling me this.

And I was pretty ticked off, by the time she got home from work, I had a job. So, in my teenage head, I was flipping her off. Ha Ha! I got a job. Ha!

She totally backed me into that! She absolutely maneuvered me into getting a job and, earning my own money and not calling her and asking her for handouts anymore.

So I think my first job as a cashier in a grocery store came about because I was pissed off at my mother, but she roped me into it.

It was just one of those things, it's kind of funny, cause I don't really remember the specifics of the conversation. I just remember her sort of like, you need to drive less, you can't be driving that all the time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And me, "Oh yeah!?" I don't think I yelled at her, I would have gotten a job like to show her when probably that was what she was trying to get me to do.

All she had to do is tell me I couldn't do something and it'd be like "Hold my beer.".

And it just, just makes me laugh. She worked me, man.

Thanks Lee.

I love that story.

More specifically. I love that parenting method. So much so that I've seen my own sons taking mental calculations, trying to figure out if I'm using negative psychology to get them to do something.

You're too young. There's no way you could load the dishwasher all by yourself.

But I wouldn't use it on you. The listener? No, no.

But why I'm telling you is you really shouldn't listen to Lee's story about connection.

You got that didn't you, you should.

Connection is an interesting topic for me because it's been a struggle for me. Particularly in the last few years I've been really focusing on kind of healing. Really trying to make a connection with myself. Learning to love myself has been one of the hardest challenges I've ever had. And yet now that I'm on the upswing of that, where I can feel that acceptance of myself and that love for myself, it's the best journey I've ever been on.

My life is so much better and it's not that the outside has changed much as the inside has changed and I'm a much happier person. It really came to a head when I realized that I always felt on the outside. I always felt like a third wheel, fifth wheel, always on the outside. Never part of.

Some of that as being a military brat, moving around a lot, all these other things, some disconnection from my family at an early age. But ultimately the way to get past that has been to connect with myself and to find the things that bring me joy and to find the things that satisfy me.

And they have very little to do with anything that I get from other people, it has much more to do with what I do for myself and then what I put out. There's a blog project I've been working on, has been about me writing about my healing and kind of connecting outwards and saying, "Hey, this is my story."

This is what I've learned. It's built around my relationship with my horse, which has also been an incredibly powerful connection for me, not just because of her and that being a childhood dream that's come true, but also because the people that I've met through her and the community that I've been able to build and find around her as well.

It started me on that journey and writing about my healing, writing about that is my way of also connecting outwards to other people to say, "Hey, this is my story. This is what I've discovered." I like the way that Lynn puts it is it's like a service to other people to say, this is something that I've discovered.

This is what it meant to me. This is how I see it. Maybe this helps you too. I know from prior storytelling events, it was amazing to me to find that I was telling something was, you know, an event in my growing up life that was so deeply personal to me, and yet I can't tell you how many people came up and say, you know, in my family too, and my family too, and my family too.

And since then, I've shared a little bit with people. Who'd be like, oh yeah, we never talked about it as a kid, but in my family... and we all have that:

"We never talked about."

"We assumed it was just us. "

"We were weird."

"We were the outliers."

But in reality, we all have this common experience. We all have these common struggles.

None of us are outliers, but I still think that you really have to know yourself and have a connection with yourself so that you can feel like you're always at home, even if it's just you.

Thanks Lee.

What a wonderful story to end the season with. We need to share our stories so that we can discover that, as Lee said, we all have this common experience. We all have these common struggles.

Our stories are the mechanism, the tool for us to connect with others so that we can be seen, feel heard, and be the unique individuals that we are.

So now, you know, Lee is awesome.

You can connect with her on LinkedIn via the link in the show notes. And you should also check out her blog at grayhorsediaries.com.

And you can contact me on LinkedIn or send me an email to mark@connectionrequested.com.

If you liked this podcast, please share it and review it on your favorite podcast player. But most of all, keep on having fun making the best of connections.

Transcript:

Welcome to Connection Requested, the podcast about making better connections with other humans, one guest at a time. I'm your host, Mark Tweddle co-founder of You Tell Yours, providing online events to create stronger connections in your group, community, or team. I started this podcast because I rarely know the people who request to connect with me on LinkedIn.

But whether it's Facebook Friends, LinkedIn Connections, or Followers as they're called everywhere else on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, wherever, social media doesn't easily provide the kind of meaningful connections that I seek in my life.

This is episode 16 and it's the beginning of December 2021.

This part of the year, the trifecta of stress events, is all about connecting with family, both conventional and chosen, and of course our friends.

So I think this is a good time to end this first season of the podcast, while we focus on those connections that we've already made.

This year, I've met a lot of wonderful people and I've learned a lot about podcasting as well as connecting.

For season two, I think we'll change things a little when I come back in January. I say January, just so that I can hold myself accountable. Next season, maybe I'll do some longer episodes with interviews, maybe even a few stories of my own.

If there's something that you'd like to hear do, let me know.

But first, let's hear this week's guest.

I've known Lee, Allison for a while. And this episode was recorded the day after we had Thanksgiving together, where I beat everyone at Scrabble. Yes. This lowly engineer beat his professional writer wife at Scrabble.

And Lee is my witness!

Let's get started.

Two minutes to tell the story of your name with no preparation.

No one else can tell that story better than you.

You are the subject matter expert after all.

I'm not positive of the origins. I recall my mother saying that her father, liked the name. Maybe it had something to do with the name, Leanne or Lee. And actually, my family calls me Leeann and when I was born, my mother tells me her intention was that would be my full first name - Leeanne.

But she spelled it, because I come from a family of simple folk, phonetically, L E E N A N N. And so when my birth certificate was typed up, it was Lee, middle name- Ann, Allison and my mom was like that's not what I meant. And I was like, why didn't you give it a cool French spelling or something? But no, no. Simple Midwest people. We don't do fancy.

My family called me Leanne forever and it wasn't a bad name to grow up with. There's not a whole lot derogatory you can make out of it. I got Lee Ann PeeAnn, you know I got stuff like that. Really not a whole lot you can do with it. My older brother used to call me Leander, which was an old Roman name.

I don't even know where that came from. It was good. When I left home at an awfully early age I kept it. It was Lee, Ann, Allison, which by the way, are three first names. Throws people off all the time.

If I had a nickel for every time I was called Allison, I would be wealthy and retired somewhere right now. But when I went into the military, I ultimately was running out of money for college. I was, I was by myself. I was very young and I had grown up a military brat. I decided to go in the military and then it became Lee, middle initial- A, Allison, and I became someone else.

It became a new persona and somebody completely different. but still LeeAnn to my family.

Thanks Lee.

I wonder if, in this digital age, there'll be fewer stories of birth certificates or registration errors in people's name stories.

My family name Tweddle was Tweedale only a few generations ago. And then probably my ancestor couldn't write. And the registrar couldn't hear the mumbled last name. Or of course, maybe they had an accent?

Anyhow, you're getting to know Lee, the lady of many first names.

Let's hear Lee's two-minute story, starting with the words, " My first job."

My first job as with many things in my life came about because I was ticked off at something. I didn't come from a rich family, but my parents, you know, we did OK. They came from pretty poor backgrounds, but they worked their way up. We didn't really want for things as kids, but we also weren't overindulged generally.

However, when my sister, who was several years older than me, which I like to remind her, was younger. My parents got her horse. She loved horses. My parents got her horse, but she had to pay ultimately for the board and the upkeep. So it was sort of a trade-off.

When I hit the same age, they asked me if I wanted a horse or a car.

And at that point, as much as I loved horses, I was all about school, kids, boys, cars. I wanted a car. So I got my mother's used ' Pinto. Thanks, mom, dad. I got a car so I could drive back and forth from school. It was great. And then at a certain point, I guess I made one too many phone calls to my mother asking for gas money and she was like, " Listen, you're responsible for gas."

So it was a little like, we'll get you a horse, but you have to pay for all this stuff. You got a car and you pay for gas. And I think she really expected me to stop driving or do something else. She worked, so I was on the phone with her when she was telling me this.

And I was pretty ticked off, by the time she got home from work, I had a job. So, in my teenage head, I was flipping her off. Ha Ha! I got a job. Ha!

She totally backed me into that! She absolutely maneuvered me into getting a job and, earning my own money and not calling her and asking her for handouts anymore.

So I think my first job as a cashier in a grocery store came about because I was pissed off at my mother, but she roped me into it.

It was just one of those things, it's kind of funny, cause I don't really remember the specifics of the conversation. I just remember her sort of like, you need to drive less, you can't be driving that all the time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And me, "Oh yeah!?" I don't think I yelled at her, I would have gotten a job like to show her when probably that was what she was trying to get me to do.

All she had to do is tell me I couldn't do something and it'd be like "Hold my beer.".

And it just, just makes me laugh. She worked me, man.

Thanks Lee.

I love that story.

More specifically. I love that parenting method. So much so that I've seen my own sons taking mental calculations, trying to figure out if I'm using negative psychology to get them to do something.

You're too young. There's no way you could load the dishwasher all by yourself.

But I wouldn't use it on you. The listener? No, no.

But why I'm telling you is you really shouldn't listen to Lee's story about connection.

You got that didn't you, you should.

Connection is an interesting topic for me because it's been a struggle for me. Particularly in the last few years I've been really focusing on kind of healing. Really trying to make a connection with myself. Learning to love myself has been one of the hardest challenges I've ever had. And yet now that I'm on the upswing of that, where I can feel that acceptance of myself and that love for myself, it's the best journey I've ever been on.

My life is so much better and it's not that the outside has changed much as the inside has changed and I'm a much happier person. It really came to a head when I realized that I always felt on the outside. I always felt like a third wheel, fifth wheel, always on the outside. Never part of.

Some of that as being a military brat, moving around a lot, all these other things, some disconnection from my family at an early age. But ultimately the way to get past that has been to connect with myself and to find the things that bring me joy and to find the things that satisfy me.

And they have very little to do with anything that I get from other people, it has much more to do with what I do for myself and then what I put out. There's a blog project I've been working on, has been about me writing about my healing and kind of connecting outwards and saying, "Hey, this is my story."

This is what I've learned. It's built around my relationship with my horse, which has also been an incredibly powerful connection for me, not just because of her and that being a childhood dream that's come true, but also because the people that I've met through her and the community that I've been able to build and find around her as well.

It started me on that journey and writing about my healing, writing about that is my way of also connecting outwards to other people to say, "Hey, this is my story. This is what I've discovered." I like the way that Lynn puts it is it's like a service to other people to say, this is something that I've discovered.

This is what it meant to me. This is how I see it. Maybe this helps you too. I know from prior storytelling events, it was amazing to me to find that I was telling something was, you know, an event in my growing up life that was so deeply personal to me, and yet I can't tell you how many people came up and say, you know, in my family too, and my family too, and my family too.

And since then, I've shared a little bit with people. Who'd be like, oh yeah, we never talked about it as a kid, but in my family... and we all have that:

"We never talked about."

"We assumed it was just us. "

"We were weird."

"We were the outliers."

But in reality, we all have this common experience. We all have these common struggles.

None of us are outliers, but I still think that you really have to know yourself and have a connection with yourself so that you can feel like you're always at home, even if it's just you.

Thanks Lee.

What a wonderful story to end the season with. We need to share our stories so that we can discover that, as Lee said, we all have this common experience. We all have these common struggles.

Our stories are the mechanism, the tool for us to connect with others so that we can be seen, feel heard, and be the unique individuals that we are.

So now, you know, Lee is awesome.

You can connect with her on LinkedIn via the link in the show notes. And you should also check out her blog at grayhorsediaries.com.

And you can contact me on LinkedIn or send me an email to mark@connectionrequested.com.

If you liked this podcast, please share it and review it on your favorite podcast player. But most of all, keep on having fun making the best of connections.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanie-wood-miller-7bb41/

Data is great, but humans connect with storytelling.

Here’s the caption video and transcript:

Transcript:

Welcome to Connection Requested, the podcast about making better connections with other humans, one guest at a time. I'm your host, Mark Tweddle co-founder of YouTellYours providing online events to create stronger connections in your group, community, or team.

I started this podcast because I rarely know the people who request to connect with me on LinkedIn.

Whether it's Facebook Friends, LinkedIn Connections, or Followers as they're called everywhere else, you know Instagram TikTok, or Twitter, social media doesn't easily provide the kind of meaningful connections that I seek in my life.

This week, we're going to continue my run of people I didn't meet through LinkedIn.

I met this week's storyteller when we were running storytelling classes, way back in 2016.

Let's get started.

Two minutes to tell the story of your name with no preparation.

No one else can tell that story better than you. You are the subject matter expert after all

My name is Stephanie. What I do know about when my, parents named me was that my mom wanted us, both my sister and I to have names that people wouldn't naturally shorten. So she didn't want the name of Catherine or Jennifer or something that people shortened. The name she gave us, She wanted people to use.

And before I was born, the plan was to name me Laura. But shortly before I was born, my mom's best friend had a daughter who she named Lauren, and my mother and her friend, Susie jointly decided that having two kids grow up together that have virtually the same names was not a good idea. So, my mom moved on to other names. I guess my dad didn't really participate in the naming because I'd never heard anything about his opinion, except for that. My maiden name was Wood. And I don't know if it was in jest or true, but my dad wanted to name me, Holly and my mom said, no, my kid is not going through life with a name that is a joke or makes people laugh every time she says it.

so that was as much as my dad weighed in, I guess. so I ended up with the name, Stephanie. I'll just tell you because most people don't know this, most legal forms have eight slots for a first name and Stephanie has nine letters in it. So I've spent the vast majority of my life with the last letter of my name being cut off. Every time I fill out a form, I find it annoying.

But what I do love about my name is my name means "crowned one." And, I was the first child and I like the idea of the sort of, royalty behind my name. I don't know if my parents looked up the meaning, but, I have always liked my name and nobody shortens it.

Thanks Stephanie.

I do wonder how much our names affect us.

If Stephanie's father had managed to name her Holy Wood, would she know be a very different person?

I don't know when, I don't know any way of knowing whether that would make a difference.

I know that I've spent my entire life spelling. My last name for people. It's almost like my last name isn't Tweddle, my full last name is Tweddle-T-W-E-Double-D-L-E.

Could I have been a better person, if I'd had a better, last name?

Well I'm told that acceptance is key, so let's move on to the next story.

A two-minute story starting with the words "The Teacher I Remember Is..."

The teacher I remember is my 11th grade history teacher. His name was Al Picerno, Mr. Picerno First of all, Mr. Picerno taught me to be inquisitive, to ask questions about why things are the way they are, and to sort of get under the surface of things. I think when you're a teenager, you don't spend a lot of time doing that. You spend a lot of time digging in your own brain, but not about the outside world.

That was one thing that I got from him, but I think what's more important was he really taught me that history is prologue, which I didn't understand. I didn't realize that the human experience was always standing on the shoulders of some other human experience.

I didn't realize that the Vietnam war, which was going on when I was a kid, had a lot to do with the French being in Vietnam. And I didn't understand that the way my grandparents were, had to do with the depression. And that the depression had to do with the civil war, and the civil war had to do with the signing of the constitution.

He really taught me to look at the world in a way that was much less simple and much less self-centered. Like, I'm a part of a much larger story. I'm a, a thread in a tapestry. I'm not the tapestry. And the other thing that he really taught me about is that the same things happen over and over in history.

And I'll just finish this thought. So for example, the thing that I learned from him is whenever the rich people accumulate all the money together and keep it away from the poor people, eventually the poor people are always the majority and eventually, the poor people get tired of it. And they take the money back. That's just a thing that happens to human beings over and over and over.

And when you understand history, you actually understand humanity. So that's what I learned from Al Picerno in the 11th grade.

Thanks Stephanie.

Having relistened to that story, I feel a little bit jealous. The only thing I can remember about my history teacher was that she married the woodwork teacher.

I don't remember her married name, but we all thought at the time she got married just to lose her maiden name from which she had suffered immensely.

Like last week, I'm going to play a little of what Stephanie said after this teacher story exercise.

After the focus of the exercises completed, it's like the storyteller gets another view. I think what happens is that when we tell the story, we effectively re-experience that time. And then afterwards another perspective can emerge, and it's often an overview of the whole experience.

One of the things about him was it was when I really got in my head, learning can be interesting. It can be more than just a test. The acquisition of knowledge can be fun and entertaining. That was definitely part of it. The other thing that I think was really important about him, I don't think that he thought of himself as teaching kids.

I don't think that when we walked in the room, he was like, oh, here comes a bunch of teenagers that I have to get through this hour with. I think he saw a room full of human beings that needed education. And, you need to understand the precipitating events of the first world war, because you're a human being and it's relevant to your life.

And I think, particularly in your teen years, adults are either annoyed with you or talking down to you. And he wasn't doing either one of those things.

And I'll just add one thing to this. He's the one that really got me going. I was not a great student and he really got me to get interested in school and finally live up to my potential quote unquote. He's the one that got me interested in the idea of going to college at all, which I wasn't that excited about. I just had to do it because my parents said so.

He cast a long shadow on my life.

Thanks, Stephanie.

I felt had to include that addition to the story because it can be all too easy to overlook the factor that fun and enthusiasm play and our learning and our work.

When I was at school, it was a long time ago- my kids even suggest that dinosaurs roamed the earth back then- all the tests required great memorization and my memory was, and still is pretty awful.

Back then history felt like a memory test of dates and places that had to be woven into my other structural nemesis; an essay! Need I say history was my worst subject?

But even when I was studying electronics at university, I missed the fun aspects within the academic work.

I remember offering to try to fix my friend's electronics devices as a motivational tool to get me through my studies. And somehow, trying to fix a broken Sony Walkman helped my degree work come alive in a way that none of my lectures ever could.

You have to find your fun, whatever you can, I guess.

Let's hear Stephanie's story about connection.

So the thing about connection, it's an interesting question cause I've been thinking so much about this over the past couple of years, for lots of reasons.

One of the reasons that I've been thinking about it is because I'm a meditator and in meditation one of the things that I have come to be aware of is that the border between what is Stephanie and what is the rest of the world is far more permeable than I think it is.

When you spend some time meditating, you start to realize it's a little bit hard to even say, what is I? I am meditating. What is that exactly? And the result of that has not been some kind of, um, psychotic break. It's been the realization of, my part in the world. That I am, essentially interdependent with everything else that's happening.

If I sit down to dinner... I, Stephanie, I'm sitting down to dinner and also my plate was made by a Potter in Northern California, and he got the clay from somewhere in the earth where some thousands of years ago, I dunno how clay's made, but plants broke down or, or rocks were ground up or there was a, uh, I don't know, volcanic eruption, and there's no point where I can back up and say I didn't create me and I'm not in some way disconnected from all the rest of what's happening. I think it's a peculiarity of humanity that we have this, I think of it as like a faulty coding in our system where we spend all this time trying to develop this independent creature that's separate from everything else.

Especially in the United States, we talk so much about individualism and being your own man. You know, we really prize that. And what I've come to realize is, we can prize that all we want, but it's not true. What's true is we're interdependent.

The tree outside my house is not independent from me and I'm not independent from it. And that sense of interconnection and interdependence, I find really comforting. I would rather be a part of this lovely whole Than the project that Stephanie has been working on for a lifetime of developing the perfect single, independent self.

Thanks, Stephanie.

I said last week that I keep thinking that the connection stories will start to repeat or sound similar. And yet they've always been different. And Stephanie has not let us down.

Stephanie's story of connection reminded me of something that I often say.

It's sort of the opposite of Stephanie's more positive message. Kind of negative in a way.

I say, " No single human being has ever done anything of any significant value without the help from others."

The great writers and fine art painters did not make their pens or paper.

The great musicians that not make their instruments or recording equipment.

The great athletes did not race alone.

Humans are only great because they connect with each other.

And Stephanie added in her story that we also connect with our entire planet.

So now you know that Stephanie is awesome, you can connect with her on LinkedIn via the link in the show notes.

And you can connect with me on LinkedIn, or you can send me an email to mark@connectionrequested.com.

If you liked this podcast, please share it and review it on your favorite podcast player. But most of all keep on having fun making the very best of connections.

Find him on Instagram at @monte-eats : https://www.instagram.com/monte_eats/

Transcript:

Welcome to Connection Requested. The podcast about making better connections with other humans. One guest at a time. I'm your host, Mark Tweddle, co-founder of You Tell Yours, providing online events to create stronger connections in your group. Community or team.

I started this podcast because I rarely know the people who request to connect with me on LinkedIn. But whether it's Facebook, friends, LinkedIn connections, or Followers as they're called on Instagram, TikTok or Twitter, social media doesn't easily provide the kind of meaningful connections that I seek in my life.

So this week, like last week, my guest, isn't a new LinkedIn connection. He's someone I've known for a few years. And like last week's episode, we met up in person to record this.

So, let's get straight on with this. Two minutes to tell a story of your name with no preparation. No one else can tell that story better than you. You are the subject matter expert after all.

My name is Monte and the story, how I know it is that my dad didn't want me to have a name, like, like most other people. And he knew somebody by the name of Monte Carrillo. And that was, that was kind of where the name came from.

And then later it turned out that Monte also happens to be an Italian and like Spanish. I think it means mountain. And so every now and again, people would, uh, ask me about my name and I would say, oh, it means a mountain. Like it was intentional, but it wasn't, you know.

Another thing about my name, I will say that it, it upsets me when I meet other people with my name. And I think that's because of my dad, you know, he always wanted it to be unique and whatever. That always stuck with me. And now I see like, I'm getting back into standup and there's somebody with the name Monte and I'm always thinking, like, I wonder if that dude's name is really Monte or if it's Montgomery.

Because my name is really just Monte, and so like when there's like a Montgomery or Montacute or whatever, and then they call themselves Monte, that drives me crazy.

I think other than that, I do, I do like the name too, though. I do love having the name. It adds a level of uniqueness to me and whatever that means being me.

But I think as far as like, just trying to be unique and whatnot, it's very difficult as far as even like, as a, as a performer and whatnot, so I think that the name helps kind of set me apart from other people. So I think it helps give me a little bit of an advantage. So I like my name and I, I liked the story with my name

Thanks Monte.

I love talking to Monty. He's so curious about other people and the way they live their lives. It was fun hearing him, where he had to fill the time for the exercise, which meant he couldn't stop and ask me questions.

You know, I think I first met Monte and Anne, a mutual friend's birthday party where we all played softball. Which reminds me, I haven't mentioned, Anne, in the "Monte and Anne" was the first guest that I had in this podcast. Another lovely person. So, if you haven't listened to episode one, you should go back and find out what Anne is all about.

I think Monte and Anne, are the only people with whom I've created a lasting bond, that I met at a birthday party, in my adult life.

I think I said last week. There are too many people who struggle to make connections in their adult life, you know, after they leave school. Monte is not one of those people.

Speaking of school. Let's hear Monte tell us a two-minute story starting with the words, " The Teacher I Remember..."

The teacher, I remember most, there's two. I remember this Miss Nicosia, when I moved into a new neighborhood and I just remember the name for some reason more than anything, but I was remembering.

But more importantly, I remember my freshmen drama teacher, her name was Mrs Groholski and Mrs. G. I remember her because she was like, she was as far as like a teacher goes like the best teacher I feel I've ever had so far. The one I felt that I had the strongest connection to like, uh, It's, you know, it's weird. It's hard for me to talk about her. Cause it does get me emotional because I really, because she, she really like. Um.

She moved. So the thing that sucked, she didn't tell us that she was leaving. So we come back sophomore year and this was the teacher that was like, everybody loved, great.

And being a kid from like a shitty neighborhood in Chicago and I was scared I was going to get stuck like Kelvin Park High School, which was like all gang-bangers or Prosser, which was bangers. And I auditioned for Lincoln Park High School. And I got in, I couldn't believe I got in. Cause I was like, I wasn't a good actor. I don't know how I got in. And then when she didn't come back, when we showed up the sophomore year and there was a new teacher there and we were like, what the?

She wrote a note for us. And she pointed a few people out and I was one of the students she pointed out in her letter and she's like, and Monte, she said, you know, you weren't the best actor at the audition. She goes, but you were just so cute. I had to have you. And she's like, so, you know, and whatever. And she mentioned some and whatever, there's other things I, I I'm actually pulling back on some of the stuff because it chokes me up. But, um, but that's the teacher I remember most, and I've tried to look her up so many times on social media and I can't find her.

But that's my favorite, Mrs. Groholski.

Thanks Monte.

This was one of those times where, and this happens in some form for nearly all of my podcast recording sessions... there's some more to the story that comes out after the timed exercise. You see, telling a story as personal and real. Calling it a soft skill just feels wrong.

In Monte's case, as you heard him say, he started to pull back, to not tell the full story. Because he could feel himself get emotional.

And that's one of the key reasons stories connect us so strongly. When you tell a story, all of the same parts of the brain that would be involved in experiencing that event in real life, are triggered and stimulated when you tell the story.

And it's also where the engagement happens because those very same brain areas are stimulated when you listen to that story too. The clearer you tell the story, the more, the listener experiences, what it was like to be you in that story experience.

So instead of moving on to the next story, I'll now play for you what Monte said after the exercise. Because once the connection has started, and we feel heard, we become more comfortable reaching deeper.

It's a tough one for me with her, because it was a big turning point in my life. It's why I'm a performer today. And she just left, so weird. Like didn't tell us, just ghosted us. Cause she thought she knew what she thought it would be too hard to say goodbye to everybody. But it's made no sense though.

Like she was so lovable. And it was great. She was the drama teacher. So it was two periods a day. In my class like people were balling the class, the class, everybody was crying and they were everywhere and it was like a shock and it was disappointing and she took a job to teach somewhere. She took a job to teach in. I forget, like it was North Carolina or South Carolina or something like that.

Oh, that's the thing too was yeah. Was, was coming from my neighborhood and being in this atmosphere and never being in this atmosphere before. Never like having someone allow you really to just be yourself. And the class would start every day with like, just like a warmup. Like we would go into the theater and we had a really big theater high school and she would play Flashdance and Gloria and the kid, we would just run around and like loosen up our bodies and like do stretches. And then she would lead us in like, um, physical stretches and like breathing exercises. And then we would, then we would run around some more to like another song and just shake it out. And then we would come out and then do acting stuff. Then she would teach us acting stuff.

And then just on another tangent, like as far as getting crazy, so the teacher that took over for the drama teacher, Ms. Robinson, we ended up, becoming friends after years later. I went back like years, years later and Ms. Robinson, the teacher took over for drama. She was still there and that, oh, holy shit. This is crazy. So she was still there. Right. , but when I came back, we were talking, she was really cool. And then I told her, I was like, you know, I'm actually still acting and I do improv and she's like, oh, um, would you like to come and teach improv? And, and, and so anyway, I ended up with. She worked this system. And somehow made me a legal assistant, and I would get paid, like nothing really.

And, uh, so I did this for three years, right. With her. And I ended up going and teaching in private, like in park high school. So anyway, so here's the thing is I was, I was there for three years. And then Ms. Robinson did the same thing Mrs. Groholski did.

Ms. Robinson, she retired, but didn't tell anyone she was retiring. So she did her retirement and ghosted her students. And then the next year, like, and the thing that I, I came in September to report to like, cause I would show up the first days, the first day of school I would show up and she'd be like, Hey, and we'd go through the thing, like, okay, this is what we're going to do and whatever.

And I show up.

She wasn't there and there was this other dude there and I was like, Hey. Oh, she retired. And I was like, what? Are you kidding me? And the thing was she lied, so the reason I was able to teach there was because she said that I was coming in from a theater. I really wasn't coming in from a theater. We had talked and she asked you, I teach improv. And I was like, yeah, sure. And so she just chose an improv theater of her choice and said, this is where he's coming in from. She made up the lie and then vouch for me for her own lie.

It was so funny buddy, but I got this teaching gig and I taught there for three years, but it was just crazy that it was like, she just ghosted too. And it was like, what is wrong with these drama teachers? Like they, they just up and go and don't say anything.

Thanks Monte.

I don't know what you think of these teachers.

Were they afraid of emotion?

Did they think that avoidance would reduce the emotional effect?

Like I say, I don't know. Which is a good point.

I now understand more about what the effect was on Monte because he shared his story. For the teachers, we can only make up some fiction on our heads until they share the stories with us.

And at work, that happens a lot. You know, someone does something. We don't know why. They've never shared the stories with us. So we don't know them very well.

And if you're anything like me, you make up a story in your head. And generally, it's not a good one.

Like, “They think they are better than me.”

“They don't rate me.”

“They think they don't need to follow the rules.”

Or whatever the negative story is that you lean towards.

And that's why I love getting groups to share their stories because when they connect suddenly the story becomes clearer. Barriers drop. And in that same situation when somebody does something, that we can't understand, we can be curious without being perceived as being critical, or being afraid of being perceived as being critical.

Now let's hear Monte's story about connection.

You know, when I was a child, I think I realized very early, I had this realization like that, like people it's, people are what make things happen and whatever you want, it's, it's going to come from another person. So it's very important to make important connections.

But, but here's the thing, though. As good as I am at making connections. I'm a little bit better at ruining connections. It's crazy. Cause I'm, you know, I'm a hero at making connections and a lot of people think like, man, this guy’s curious, I want to take trips with them and everything, but it's like, yeah, I know I'm just a little bit better at ruining this exact same thing.

It's weird. Like I've made a ton of great connections just through not being afraid to talk to people and not being afraid to ask people questions. And the thing is, even though I have an ego, and whatnot, I do enjoy listening to what other people say. Here's the thing. If I get, if I do get genuinely bored with what someone else is saying, I'll figure out a way to try to get away from them but it's rare. I can listen to anyone for a certain amount of time, you know?

One of my friends was like, you have an interesting way that making people feel that they're the most important person in the room when you're talking to them and that you're really interested in what they're saying. And I was insulted because I said the truth is I am actually interested in what they're saying. And at that point in time, they are the most important person in the room because I'm talking to them and I am interested in what they're saying.

So I think that my friend’s misconception was, is actually one of my honest strengths and in making connections and how I make connections.

But I have had moments where I've said no to doing certain things, because I realized I don't want to be connected for life with that ______ so I'm going to pass on this. I'm not saying that out loud, but in my head, I'm like, yeah. I want to hang out with you, but I'm not being linked to any of these people for life. I don't want this, just keep me out of it. You know what I mean?

And so I've said no, And I think I've wisely said no. So I think it's, I think that's important to, is to realize that some connections you don't want and it's okay. Not to make them.

Thanks Monte.

I keep thinking that the connection stories will start to repeat or sound familiar. Monte is my 14th guest to speak on this subject and so far that hasn't happened. Which is a relief because it shows, I think the breadth that there is in the subject of connection; the subject of this podcast after all.

Hearing Monte talk about making a conscious choice to not connect is really important and interesting.

I know in my life, there've been a few times where I've chosen not to work with an organization or an individual because of my beliefs or my suspicions. And for that matter, what is a suspicion? If it's not an untold story?

For a performer, the effect of your choice on who you're connected to is obviously significant, but it's the same for non-performers too. Just got ask anyone connected with Theranos or Enron or certain parts of Wells Fargo, or the Volkswagen's emission scandal, and you'll understand that connections are not always positive experiences.

So, how do you know if a connection is right for you?

There's a phrase that comes to mind, which I no doubt will recite inaccurately.

" When someone tells you, or shows you, who they are believe them."

So connect by sharing stories first. Let the person tell you and show you who they are. Otherwise, you'll just be creating fiction in your head.

So now, you know, Monte is awesome. You can find them on Instagram at @Monte_eats.

And you can connect to me on LinkedIn, or by sending an email to mark@connectionrequested.com or by sending a voicemail via the Connection Requested page on anchor.com.

If you liked this podcast, please share it.

And review it on your favorite podcast player, but most of all, keep on having fun, making the best of connections.

Find him on Instagram at @monte-eats : https://www.instagram.com/monte_eats/

Data is great, but humans connect with storytelling.

--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/support

Trasnscript:

Welcome to Connection Requested, the podcast about making better connections with other humans, one guest at a time.

I'm your host, Mark Tweddle, co-founder of YouTellYours, providing online events to create stronger connections in your group, community, or team.

This is episode 13. Lucky? Unlucky? Or just a number? I don't really know. But I thought it was time to try something different.

I started this podcast because I rarely know the people who request to connect with me on LinkedIn.

But whether it's Facebook Friends, LinkedIn Connections, or Followers as they’re called on Instagram and TikTok or Twitter, social media doesn't easily provide the kind of meaningful connections that I seek in my life.

So this week, my guest, isn't a new LinkedIn Connection. He's someone I've known for over a decade. A neighbor from a house that no longer exists. And just to make this episode even more different, I recorded the in-person in his home.

This week we meet actor, Jeremy Ratchford, someone I've connected with over stories over the last decade. We really got to know each other when our boys went to the same school. The school had terrible parking issues. And so we'd arrive 30 minutes before pickup time to get our Fitbit steps in, by walking laps of the school, all while telling stories and talking about life.

Normally at this point in the podcast, I'd say check out his LinkedIn profile, either now, or after listening, but Jeremy is an actor. And a real one that's been in movies and on your TV. And that begs the question, what use is LinkedIn to actors? Jeremy, and I couldn't think of a good reason initially. So I'll get back to that later.

Let's jump right into the Name Story.

Two minutes to tell the story of your name with no preparation. No one else can tell that story better than you. You are the subject matter expert after all.

My name is Jeremy Francis Ratchford. I was, I think, 17 before I met the first other Jeremy.

It wasn't a popular name, uh, when I was growing up. And then Francis, I always had a problem with, I don't know why. Frank would have been good. My mother's name was Francis, and my grandfather's name was Frank. Um, I maybe I shouldn't be giving this information out, maiden names, and my favorite puppy was, and my first concert, my first car. But yeah, Francis, I just, I never. Franklin would have been cool. Jeremy Franklin Rochford. but I don't know.

Then there became a point, " I'm a bear called Jeremy. I can laugh at, I can, I can sing a little song, a dut dut dah..."

There was a little animated cartoon 'Jeremy the bear'. So I became Jer the bear, and kids would sing that song to me as soon as they heard my name. So I heard that song relentlessly and I also heard Jeremiah was a bullfrog lot as a kid growing up cause that was the link to that.

But, around 17 that I started noticing, uh, I do it right here. JEREMY! What the hell who's yelling at...? And there was a whole slew of young kids now that were being named Jeremy. So when they were being, disciplined in the grocery store, I thought someone was yelling at me and it was at a little kid named Jeremy.

So Jeremy Francis Ratchford.

And that's the end of that one.

Thanks Jeremy. You know, I'm sure there's a yo mama joke in being called Francis probably best if I avoid it.

Jeremy has been part of our storytelling groups from the start, back when we started teaching people how to tell their personal stories to an audience.

In fact, if you do a quick search for "Jeremy Ratchford" and "YouTellYours", you'll find three of his videos. They're called "Moscow mule", " How not to draw a unicorn", and " When you don't know what to do."

When Jeremy tells a story you're in for a ride. There may be some singing, some shouting, and the occasional naughty word. And you might wonder if that's because of his acting training and experience, but I'm certain it's just the way Jeremy is. Because I know how he tells a story when it's just the two of us.

And that's actually what you're hearing in this episode. Just him, and me, sitting at his dining table with an audio recorder.

Now I know that Jeremy loves old cars. So let's hear Jeremy's two minute story starting with "My first car..."

So my first car came to me. My uncle bought it for my aunt when she gave birth to his first son, and then it got sold to my aunt, and then it got sold to our family. And I remember when my aunt Susie came to the house to sell it to my parents. They asked me what I thought would be a good price to pay.

And it was a beautiful car. And I said $300. ' cause that to me at whatever age I was was sort of like the most amount of money I could even think of. it was a 1967 convertible baby blue Camaro. 19 days after I turned 16, I had my driver's license. I had done all the in-class stuff before my birthday.

The day of my birthday, I had my first in-car session with The Young Drivers Of Canada, because it would be an insurance adjustment if you got it. So, 19 days later, I took my test and passed and I was on the road with a three speed, baby blue Knight. And I still wish I had that f#@# car. I loved it and I went everywhere with it.

We became this kind of synonymous. If someone wanted to send me a message, they'd vandalized my car, knowing it was me.

I was the type of guy at that age, too, if you needed to go anywhere, I would take you.

It's like 11 o'clock at night.

You're bored at a party.

You got to go across town.

Sure.

I'll drive.

I just love driving.

Driving around in a convertible. I was in a Springsteen video, I think my entire 16th and 17th year just driving through the streets of Kitchener and the outskirts. Which are now subdivisions and developments, but back then it was sort of windy roads. It was a great place to grow up because, you know, 11 o'clock, it was quiet and you could drive everywhere.

I loved it.

Thanks Jeremy.

That's quite a picture he painted with his words. I told you he loves old cars. And though, you know, why. But Jeremy and I are quite different, he loves old cars, and I love modern motorcycles. You see, it's the stories that connect us. We're both up for an adventure, with a sprinkle of awkwardness, and a whole lot of silliness.

Let's hear Jeremy's connection story.

The thing about connection and it's, I think it's kind of coming, uh, because of COVID you'll hear a little pauses with me. I call it the COVID coma. Where you're trying to get one thought out and 18 others go, "Me first, me first!". But we were kind of thrown back into our caves and, that personal connection wasn't there anymore.

I don't know how many years ago it started happening, but I, I reconnected with a lot of old friends from high school, through Facebook, through zoom, just through the telephone, uh, and through visits home. It's amazing those relationships you make in those early years and 30 years later, there's a trust still.

Like you went to third grade with someone and you speak openly and honestly, with them, there's no like, you know them, even though you haven't talked to them in 30 years, You connect with the men all of a sudden, I don't know what it is like, it's those, those growing years.

And I guess I'm also looking at it cause I have three boys under 17. So I'm back in those different grades going to go, oh, you're in sixth grade. Oh, I remember sixth grade.

And again, making the connection with those people, no matter where they've gone in their life, we all connect back to when , sort of, we didn't have a care in the world. Where you played hopscotch or, or tag or piggyback fights, or whatever it was. And there's a, a trust, and a connection to a time when you didn't have a care in the world.

My thing here now is this dropping kids off at school and picking them up from school. We just walked to school no matter what. And I don't want to sound like that guy that walked through the snow, but we did. But we all kind of came out of our houses and there was like this line of ants that just kind of made its way to the school.

Well, yeah, I am amazed at the friendships made back then. I guess it is, it's that connected to a time when, I guess when the world was open and you, I guess you trusted everybody. And that trust is still there, which is amazing.

Thanks Jeremy.

I think that's a really interesting story.

There's a bunch of research that shows, as a society we struggle to create new connections. Often, the only strong connections that people have are the ones that they formed as children. There are way too many people in this world feeling isolated and disconnected.

And so that's why I focus on how can we make new connections and how do we get that similar level of trust and ease that, that Jeremy described in his story?

Jeremy and I became friends and created trust through the stories we shared. And I think we can all do this. To create strong connections. All we have to do is listen to each other's stories to understand each other.

At what we don't need to become friends, but creating trust and connecting through stories we'll improve every workday.

Anyhow, do you feel like you're getting to know Jeremy?

At this point, I'd normally say, "If you looked at his LinkedIn profile right now, would you be more comfortable having a call with him?" But as an actor, Jeremy's LinkedIn profile is, um, 'minimal' to say the least.

When we met, we had quite a conversation about if LinkedIn is in any way useful to actors at all.

Certainly, it's unlikely to get you acting work on TV shows or movies.

But something else happened too.

Jeremy asked me about this podcast and when I shared my experience of creating it, it reminded him about his journey with public speaking. For years he's been hosting and speaking at a bunch of events for the charities that he supports. And recently he remembered just how nervous he was when he started doing them. This thought was triggered by noticing how nervous other speakers were, and it helped him realize just how much progress he's made.

So I'll say this instead: If you need a host or a speaker for an event would, you know, feel more comfortable having a call with Jeremy?

If nothing else I hope that you've learned that Jeremy is awesome.

I'd love to know what you think. You can email me mark@connectionrequested.com or send voice messages to the Connection Requested page on anchor.com.

Please share this podcast with the people that you connect to and keep on having fun, making the best of connections.

Data is great, but humans connect with storytelling.

--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/support

LinkedIn profiles give business context and our stories share who we are, so be sure to check out Gabby’s LinkedIn profile too.

Transcript:

Welcome to the Connection Requested podcast. I'm Mark Tweddle co-founder of You Tell Yours, providing online team-building events to connect your remote team.

This podcast is about making better connections with other humans.

I don't know about you, but I rarely know the people who request to connect with me on LinkedIn.

So this podcast is how we are going to get to know them.

I want my LinkedIn connections to be more meaningful and the best way I know to create that connection, that human understanding, is through storytelling. So each week, I get a guest to try some of the same exercises that we developed for our team events.

This week we meet Bianca Erickson.

So be sure to check out her LinkedIn profile either now, or after listening, to find out about her work, her skills, and her experience.

Enough explanation, let's jump right in with the Name Story.

Two minutes to tell the story of your name with no preparation.

No one else can tell that story better than you. You are the subject matter expert after all.

My name is Bianca Gabriela Occena and the story of my name. Well, my mother was a huge fan of soap operas, but Spanish ones, growing up. So she saw the name Bianca and it stuck to her ever since she was a teenager. That's how she came up with Bianca. And Gabriela, she was a big fan of the tennis player.

I think she's from Argentina, Gabriela Sabatini. And she loved her name. She was like, okay, I know what name I'm going to give my daughter. Ever since she was like 15, she's like, okay, Bianca, Gabriela. And of course, my last name is from my father and he's from Hispanic descent, Dominican.

And yeah, and that's where my name comes from.

Yes. I actually love it. I love it. People usually think that I'm Hispanic, but I'm not, I'm Haitian. It just sounds Hispanic. My name is constantly being misspelled, especially Occena And that was one thing that I was excited about when I was getting married. I was like, okay, finally, I get to be Erickson. Sounds American and everybody knows how to spell Erickson, so I don't have to constantly spell Occena for them. So that was nice. Yeah, so, but I love my name. now I'm Bianca Gabriela Erickson

Did you have any nicknames?

Gabby. Yeah, that's my nickname.

So do you prefer being called Gabby?

I actually do. My first name is Bianca, but nobody calls me Bianca. My mother's the only one who does. So it's pretty weird when somebody calls me Bianca. Yeah. I'm Gabby.

Thanks. Bia...Gabby. Thanks Gabby.

I really loved listening to Gabby. And as you heard, she stalled a little during the first story and so I prompted her because, you know, the point of this storytelling is to speak and not to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

And I'm glad I did. Otherwise, I'd probably still be calling her Bianca, like her mother.

So now let's hear Gabby tell a two minute story, starting with the words "The Teacher I Remember".

The teacher that I remember, her name was Miss Turk. And she moved out of Florida. She used to live here in Sarasota and, she was my ESL teacher when I moved here to the United States from Haiti. I remember I had barely any English. I only know just the basics. Good morning.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And when I was put into her class, after going to the other classes like chemistry, social studies, and American history, everything was so confusing and overwhelming. But as soon as I got into her class, I just felt comfortable. Although I felt like crying the whole day, that day, as soon as I got to her class, I don't know, something just felt bright.

She knew how to talk to me. She didn't act like I was a burden. The fact that I didn't know much. And she tried her best to communicate with me. Also, her class was filled with other kids that just moved to the United States as well. We connected, everybody connected. Everybody had fun in her class.

I remember it used to be the class that I looked forward to in high school. I just know today's an ‘odd’ day. So I'm not going to have her today, but ‘even’ days I know she'll be there. We got close to each other and I remember she ended up paying for my prom and yeah. So I always think of her whenever, I think of a role model of a teacher, somebody who should be in the educational world.

Thanks Gabby.

That was truly amazing. Right now schools and education can be quite a divisive subject. And yet your story was completely disarming. Every kid should have a Miss Turk in their life.

And as a fellow immigrant to America, I really felt how difficult it would have been to arrive here without knowing the language.

I mean, I speak English and yet I still struggled with some really simple tasks. In fact, I was reminded yesterday when I phoned the customer service phone line. And I was asked to press the pound key.

In the UK, the currency is the British pound. So to me, when I arrived here, the pound key was the symbol of the currency. And it's positioned on a keyboard where the dollar key is on US keyboards.

There are no pound keys on phones.

Without knowing that in America, the hash key is called the pound key. I really felt foolish and confused. And I can still remember the awkward conversation with, and I think it was a bank employee or maybe T-Mobile, I had to ask which one is the pound key?

Is it the star or the asterix, or the plus sign or the hash key?

It was a while back and I guess hashtags, weren't a big thing then. And so whoever I was talking to had no idea what the hash key was.

I'm sorry for this attempt at an American accent, but "It's a little square made out of two vertical lines and two horizontal lines."

Something like that.

You know, actually, I'm not going to be embarrassed about trying to do an American accent. Enough people, when they speak to me, try their Scottish accent and...

I'm saying nothing.

Let's see Gabby's connection story.

The thing about connection is, it always was hard for me to connect with people. That's the one thing that I struggle with a lot, I was always a shy kid growing up, always reserved, and I always felt like judged.

This person doesn't want to be my friend, that they just I want to borrow something from me, or they just want to talk to me for just a little bit. And it's never like about friendship or relationship when it comes to me. I kind of felt like, okay, it's best for me to just stay in my corner and mind my own business. But I think 2020 really opened my eyes and the world shutting down and not being able to really socialize, not seeing my friends.

I really understood the importance of connections and I started wanting to connect more with people.

I go out more. I try to get into conversations with strangers.

It's something that I used to never want to do before.

And like what I'm doing right now, I would have never done that last year.

Growing up, my mom used to always tell me that people are worth it, Gabby. You know, just give it a try, you know, stop closing your heart to people, let yourself be loved. Yeah, I think that, I'm proud of myself actually doing that and changing my ways and exploring that side of the world.

want to do better. All my friends, their first impression of me, well almost all of them, they were like, "Oh, she's reserved. She doesn't want to talk to me. And she's shy."

It's always the first thing that comes into mind. Oh, she's shy, she's reserved. And I kind of want to change that.

It's kind like a change of identity for me. I'm 27 years old and I feel like I've had the same friends for almost 10 years now, which is a good thing. And I have loyal friends, but I kind of want to connect more and people are actually worth it. I've had some pretty bad experiences, but I've had more amazing ones.

I told myself it's time to focus more on those amazing encounters, amazing stories that I've heard from strangers and simple conversations with people that. I would have never thought I would be talking to. It's nice.

Thanks Gabby.

You know, it was inspiring to listen to Gabby talk about being shy, and being seen as being reserved. Then seek to change, to connect with more people, and to start doing what we can all do, which is to start simple conversations with the people that we encounter.

Even the worst of situations can have some good outcomes. Maybe for the pandemic, one of the good outcomes will be a greater emphasis on the value of our human connections.

I'm also reminded of some Norton who we met in episode five. He'd read a book they talked about from someone who had done an analysis of very wealthy people and found that their wealth didn't generally come from being selfish or self-seeking. It came from the opportunity and the support that comes from having strong, healthy connections with others.

Anyhow. Do you feel that you're getting to know Gabby?

If you looked at her LinkedIn profile right now, and you needed her help or advice, would you now be more comfortable having a call with her? I do hope so.

If nothing else. I hope that you've learned that Gabby is awesome.

I'd love to know what you think. You can email me at mark@connectionrequested.com or send me a voice message via the Connection Requested page on anchor.com.

Please share this podcast, preferably on LinkedIn, and keep on having fun, making the best of connections.

Data is great, but humans connect with storytelling.

--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/support

LinkedIn profiles give business context and our stories share who we are, so be sure to check out Nick’s LinkedIn profile too.

Welcome to the Connection Requested podcast.

I am Mark Tweddle, co-founder of YouTellYours, providing online team-building events to connect your remote team.

This podcast is about making better connections with other humans.
I don't know about you, but I rarely know the people who request to connect with me on LinkedIn. So this podcast is how we are going to get to know them.

I want my LinkedIn connections to be more meaningful and the best way I know to create that connection, that human understanding, is through storytelling. So each week we get a guest to try some of the same exercises that we developed for our team events.

Be sure to check out my guest's LinkedIn profile either before or after listening to find that about their businesses, their skills and their experience.

That's enough explanation. Let's jump right in with our guest's Name Story.
Two minutes to tell the story of your name with no preparation.
No one else can tell that story better than you. You are the subject matter expert after all.

My first name is Nicholas. Everyone calls me Nick. And the reason I was given this name is I was spawned on a small Greek island. If you've seen the movie or the musical Mamma Mia, that's kind of how my life began.
My mother and my father were living on a small Greek island.. They weren't married to each other, but I was about to be born. My mother sat down and thought, I need a name that's going to work in many languages. Here in Greece, but also when we go back to England. So the name she could come up with, which she thought was easily translated was Nicholas. Which kind of worked except for my mother comes from a Jewish background.
So when I hit the age of 13, I had to go and have a Bar Mitzvah and the rabbi who was teaching me, turned around and said, ah, so what's your name gonna be? And I said, well, my name is Nicholas. So let's use that. He's like, Nope, that doesn't translate into Hebrew. I'm like, oh, okay. So I had used my middle name. So the middle name is John.
And that actually translates very nicely in hebrew. So yeah, Nicholas John Leighton, that's my name.
And you'd like me to fill out some more time. Okay. Um, so, um, I did around the world and it's actually done pretty well. Most people have understood the word Nick or Nicholas. Um, and not that that's important. I think people can really be called by any name.
It's not something that necessarily is something that offends me, if someone would say my name wrong. So that's fine.
I sometimes use my middle initial, and it seems like every very famous old, British author used that initial.

Thanks, Nick.

That was interesting. I wouldn't have predicted that Nick would have finished early. But it was really good to hear him notice that he had more time and then consider how to continue.

I don't know if this is the case for Nick, but for some people we have noticed that they have a, a kind of comfortable duration for speaking. Often it's somewhere between one and two minutes.

I can't say for sure why this is, but maybe it's because if you're the person selling something, then the key is to get the client to talk more. So that you can understand how best to meet their needs. And so talking in short, concise stories helps you connect, and then keep the focus on the client.

So now let’s your Nick tell a two-minute story prompted by "The Teacher I Remember".

So I went to a British boarding school, which is very much like if you've read the books, you'll see in the movies, Harry Potter. Just like that.
We didn't have moving staircases, but it was old school. I was dropped there at the age of 10, and went there for seven, eight years. The reason I went to that boarding school was, in England at that time, dyslexia was quite new as a learning disorder. And this was the one boarding school in the country where if you were dyslexic, you could be sent there.
And you wouldn't have to pay huge fees.
So my mother thought was a good idea for me to go to boarding school.
So I had turned up, not on Hogwarts express, but I turned up.
The dyslexic teacher, the person who was very much an academic was.. Kind of took me under his wing, if you will. And, I think probably used me, um, for research in a lot of ways..
I know we did lots of different tests with lots of kids, but I think he was researching and academic around dyslexia as well as teaching us. But really I think that was revolutionary in my life because it was the first time that someone actually understood a learning disorder and still gave me a chance.
And ultimately I wouldn't say solved my dyslexia, I definitely still have problems reading and writing in certain ways. But it was the sense of belonging with other kids who were dyslexic and being given a chance to see through something which stops you learning or any kind of disorder really. So that was probably the teacher that had the most influence in my life. Um, and then the people around that.
So I don't think it's necessarily just a teacher, but it's also that culture and environment, the people around you. I still have friends from that class. Like I can still picture the class. I could see what's on the walls. I can almost smell the mustiness of that room. And I'm still friends with some of those people from that room.

Thanks, Nick.

This story came when I needed it most a week. After recording this with Nick, a family member of mine was diagnosed with dyslexia. And so Nick's story helped me counsel them. Having a recent example of someone and their positive story of experience was a wonderful thing to pass to my family member.

You know, last week's episode had the theme of never really knowing what is going on in the lives of the people we interact with. And I think this experience also shows, that you can never truly predict how your story can help the people who hear it.

Now let's hear Nick's connection story.

I think connection probably has changed its meaning over some of my professional career. If I look at my grandparents' generation, their connections were... They always got criticized for treating that family as their friends and their friends as their family. But that was really the only connections you had; people you knew. And I guess you'd have to know that, that phone number and things like that. You know, back then 4 digits.

But I think connections have definitely changed. Certainly now people say, oh yes, you know, I have 4,000 connections on LinkedIn, but really what does that mean?
I did hear once you can have no more than 80 meaningful connections in your life. I'm not sure if that's a truism or not. I'm sure there's some science behind that. But to me, the definition of connection is, how much will someone do for you and how much will you do for them?

So when my wife and I got married, because my wife was from Southern California, I was from England, but I was living in the Middle East. We decided to get married in Italy, which is kind of center for those places.

So we cast the net out and we said to many people we knew, probably sent out 200 messages to people, "Would love to see you at our wedding if you can come."
But it's only the people who are deeply connected who would travel that distance.
In the end, I think we had 35 people at the wedding, which was ideal. That's what we really wanted.

But some people had never left the U S, went and applied for a passport and came to our wedding. Other people, the kind of people who were on planes every other week, and they're like, "Eh, maybe I can make it, maybe I can't.".

So we love that when we got married, we really had the people around us who had the best connection with.

Now, obviously the more you get on with life, the more you realize that connections are transient and you know, they move. So I think if we got married now, 15 years later, 80% of those people would actually be that still, which I think is pretty cool. We definitely had a long-term connection.

I'm going to repeat something that we did 15 years ago, and I'm about to go through a landmark birthday, next May. And so I cast the net out to 200 odd people and said, "For my birthday, we're going to go on this cruise from Barcelona on this date, please join us." And it's interesting to see which of our friends are like, "Yes, tell us where do I sign up" or "How do I book it?" "What flights you on?" "What hotel are you going to stay beforehand?"

Other people are a little bit quiet. Like, "Yeah, we'll see what it's like next May."
So I love this big thing of putting things out into the universe, really finding out which of your friends who, maybe perfectly well peripheral to you in the past, but they want to do that.

And I suppose even today, someone sent me a message. "We are really into this. We want to be there." and I wouldn't have necessarily put them in my top 20 of friends that we see the most often, but clearly there's a good connection there.

And so I think that's pretty fascinating.

Thanks, Nick.

That's a really interesting perspective on connection. If taken out of context, it could sound quite transactional, but that's not Nick's point. He's not saying if I do this, then I expect you to do that.

I think he's looking at connection in a way that could be considered more mindful.

So as situations arrive, he notes which of his connections are keen to maintain a strong bond. And which are less motivated. Not with judgment, but with acceptance.
Each situation is different. So like we covered last week, we never truly know what anyone else is going through. And that means, someone who appears less keen might have other drivers in play.

So the key is to try not to expect a specific response. And then you can focus on the people who are ready to turn up for you now.

Anyhow. Do you feel like you're getting to know Nick? If you looked at his LinkedIn profile now, and you needed his help or advice, would you be more comfortable having a call with him?

I do hope so. If nothing else, I hope that you've learned that Nick is awesome.

I'd love to know what you think. So you can email me at mark@connectionrequested.com or send me a voice message via the Connection Requested page on anchor.com.

Please share this podcast, preferably on LinkedIn and keep on having fun, making the very best of connections.

Data is great, but humans connect with storytelling.

--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/support

LinkedIn profiles give business context and our stories share who we are, so be sure to check out Brie’s LinkedIn profile too.

Welcome to the Connection Requested podcast. I'm Mark Tweddle co-founder of YouTellYours, providing online team-building events to connect your remote team. I don't know about you, but I rarely know the people who request to connect with me on LinkedIn. So this podcast is how we are going to get to know them.

I want my LinkedIn connections to be more meaningful and the best way I know to create that connection, that human understanding, is through storytelling.

So each week I get a guest to try some of the same exercises that we developed for our team events. Be sure to check out my guest's LinkedIn profile either before or after listening so you can find out about their businesses, their skills, and their experience.

Enough explanation. Let's jump right in with our guest's name story.

Two minutes to tell the story of your name with no preparation.

No one else can tell that story better than you.

You are the subject matter expert after all?

So my name is Brie, spelled like the cheese. And according to my mom, the way I got my name was because there was a 3,500 Names To Name Your Baby Girl book that she and my dad picked up in 1970, apparently. Well, sorry, it would be 71 or 72, right? Depending on how soon before me, they, uh, named me.

So I didn't really like my name because nobody had ever heard of it. So I would run into a French person, tell them my name. And even though I can't do a French accent and I still have to try right now. And they would say, "Oh, no, your parents wouldn't do that to you." And I was like, yes, my parents did name me after a cheese.

So for a long, long time, I wouldn't even try Brie cheese. Refused to. My aunt made me try it when I was 18 and it was delicious. And I was like, oh, okay, well, I guess I'll at least incorporate this.

Then when I was 21 or 22, I was in a photo class. I'd never signed up for a photo class before ever. And so I didn't know if I liked it or not. And there was another girl in my class named Brie.

Well, I've made it my whole entire life without another Brie in my class.

I wasn't interested in having another Brie in my class, so I almost dropped out just to avoid being in a class with another person named Brie.

And if that had been the case, I literally wouldn't have become a photographer. So the fact that I have an issue with my name almost cost me something that I have loved to doing for the last 25 plus years.

So that makes me laugh. And the other thing that makes me laugh is my sister's name is Ann. So the name Brianne or Brianna is super popular now and has been for awhile.

My sister's name is Ann. My name is Brie. Nobody had ever heard of the name, Brianna or Brianna or Brianne or Brielle. So I sometimes just feel like my mom had some odd serendipity with her name selections that other people do not seem to have.

Thanks Brie.

I like the way Brie decided to only talk about her first name.

You know, one of the aspects of these storytelling exercises is that there's no right or wrong answer. There's just choices, and they're either clear or unclear.

When we tell a story, it's not always necessary to get the full story or all of the context. You can just share the part of the story that you want to share.

I know Brie from when our kids went to the same school and every day we used to stand as a group of parents at the bus stop.

Slowly, but surely we got to know each other it helped to know that if something happened and I wasn't able to be there to meet my boys off of the bus.

There'd be a group of people that I could trust to make sure that everyone was safe.

That's the power of connection as far as I'm concerned. And whatever we can do to strengthen those connections, speed up those connections, create more of those connections. The more connected society is, and the stronger society is.

Okay let's see a brief two minute story starting with " The teacher I remember is..."

Okay. The teacher I remember is I'm going to go with the negative one. I was in sixth grade. This is dark by the way, but I guess we're allowed to be dark. We can do it if we want. Right. So sixth grade, my mom takes my sister and I on a trip. We're going to be gone from school for two to three weeks. The teacher knows that my assignment is to keep a journal of my trip and come back.

So I did keep a journal in my trip, but on this trip I had two half-brothers that died in a tragic car accident when they were 17 and 18. So my journal included their death, their funeral, and who knows what else?

So when I come back to the classroom, um, I don't remember the specifics of this and I swear I'm not even sure I would know what the teacher looked like. Like a whitish, maybe blondish, not too young. But my point is, is that she's not specific to me.

She said I was a liar and that she was disappointed in me or whatever it was. She was very mad at me for this journal and said, I'm calling your mom, we're going to have a meeting.

So I was in trouble for this journal. My mom then comes in and is like, yep. Yep. That all happened. And the teacher I know, felt bad, but the reason why this has always been such a strong memory for me is because it makes me realize how much teachers don't understand what's going on at home. Parents really should be telling them when things like this happened in the first place.

Kids are often, very much, uh, what's the word like taken for granted overlooked assumed that everything's fine. So it bothers me that teachers often forget that there are kids going through real life things, and that they need to have some compassion and they need to be curious. And her effort really made me realize how many adults out there work with kids, that don't actually do right by the kids if the kids are going through traumas.

Thanks Brie.

That was quite a story. And a real example that you can never really know what someone else is going through.

Listening to Brie's story, I'm also reminded of the first loss that I experienced in my family. My grandfather on my dad's side was killed when he was hit by a car while crossing the road. I think I was about seven or eight years old, and I know that I had no idea how to process that. My lasting memories involve having to try to explain the unexplainable to my younger sister, and the shock and the grief that I experienced nearly a decade later, when I realized that I was driving down the same street that my grandfather was killed on.

My passenger had no idea what was going on. Or why I was so suddenly in floods of tears.

You can never really know what someone else is going through.

What's also interesting is Brie's focus on the lesson and not the teacher.

I think that's one of the things I like most about Brie. She's focused on learning and improving. And she's always curious.

Unfortunately, when I was a kid, I was that kid. The one that didn't do his homework and made up all sorts of stories that led teachers to not believe the stories that kids tell them. So Ms. Boyd, if you're listening. I do apologize for my lack of effort 44 years ago.

And I think I now..

No, I do now forgive you for making me dance to the music of Jesus Christ Superstar.

Let's hear Brie's connection story.

When I think about connection and I think about what I've decided recently is the most important thing to me, in regards to any kind of leadership, any kind of teamwork, any kind of group projects... So I have in the last two years realized how much I enjoy soccer coaching of younger ish kids.

I've never coached anybody over 14. Most of them have been younger than that.

And it took me a long time to understand the connection, between that and my photography career; which is a lot of portraiture, a lot of fashion. So I finally became aware of the fact that photography has done an amazing job of setting me up for coaching, which doesn't logically make sense, but the underlying base, important ingredient is connection.

Most leaders will get on podcasts or Ted talks or whatever, and talk about the fact that without connection, you don't have anything. There is no leadership, there is no group, there is no success as a team, unless there's a connection.

Usually when I think about photography, I don't actually think about how I can connect with this person. I just know that whatever is required of me to connect with them is required of me to actually successfully do my job that day.

I can't get away from that.

So the very few times when I haven't been able to make a connection with the talent, it doesn't mean that the photos are horrible. It doesn't mean that I don't get rehired, but it means that when I'm looking at the photos myself, I am not giving myself an A or even a B on them.

I know the missing ingredient. I know. I didn't quite figure out how to get them to let me see them or to be with me on an exchange level. They were too guarded or I didn't figure out a way in.

But the same is actually true with coaching kids, which is you have to be able to find a way in, or they just aren't that interested in whatever it is you're trying to get them to do.

It's easy to connect with kids for me, especially at the moment I'm working with girls, that part's easy because I see what I like, and I can say, "I like this."

"And how are you today?"

"And what's your teacher like", and whatever. A connection with kids is a lot of just asking a question, letting them tell you. Being open with who you are.

But the parents are a lot harder to connect with. Their guards are up. There's not as much time with them. They don't really care about small talk, which is fine, and what they're caring about their kids.

So I'm at this interesting point of knowing that my strength is connecting with people, but how do you connect with people without the access to them?

So that is my next question Mark, of becoming a good coach, is how you connect with people without knowing them?

Thanks Brie.

Oh, my God. Last week. I thought that would be the end of football and soccer stories, but no. Brie sticks one end just before the final whistle.

I like Brie's question too.

"How do you connect with people when you have limited access to them?"

You know what? I think it's a bit like that riddle that befuddled me for a long time.

" What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?"

Well, the best answer that I know of is that the unstoppable force stops, and the immovable object moves.

So, how do you connect with people when you have limited access to them? I think that you have to create more access.

Perhaps it's an event like a party, or I have another idea, which is perhaps it's by writing a personal note for each player to share with a parent or guardian, describing how you see their effort at soccer, their strengths, and their challenges.

And the more you make that note personal and clear, the more it will be able to be used as a starting point for greater connection.

Do you feel like you're getting to know Brie? If you looked at her LinkedIn profile right now and you needed her help or advice, would you be more comfortable having a call with her? I do hope so.

And if nothing else, I hope that you've learned that Brie is awesome.

I'd love to know what you think, and if you have an answer to Brie's question.

You can email me at mark@connectionrequested.com, or send a voice message via the Connection Requested page on anchor.com.

Please share this podcast, preferably on LinkedIn, and keep on having fun making the best of connections.

Data is great, but humans connect with storytelling.

--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/support

LinkedIn profiles give business context and our stories share who we are, so be sure to check out Troy’s LinkedIn profile too.

Welcome to the Connection Requested Podcast. I'm Mark Tweddle co-founder of YouTellYours, providing online team-building events to connect your remote team.
This podcast is about making better connections with other humans. I don't know about you, but I rarely know the people who request to connect with me on LinkedIn.
So this podcast is how we are going to get to know them. I think by accepting a LinkedIn connection, it should be more than just permission to send me some more marketing content.
I want my LinkedIn connections to be more meaningful and the best way I know to create that connection, that human understanding, is through storytelling. So each week I get a guest to try some of the same exercises that we use in our team events. Here on the podcast, you get to understand the human behind the LinkedIn profile, so be sure to also check out my guest's profile either before or after listening. So you can find out about their businesses, their skills, and their experience.
Enough explanation. Let's jump right in with our guest's name story. Two minutes to tell the story of your name with no preparation. No one else can tell that story better than you. You are the subject matter expert after all.

So the story of my name my name is Troy Donald DeVolld. The mix of Troy and Donald comes from my mother being a big fan of Troy Donahue and my grandfather's name being Donald. And my father is desired to have a son with the initials TD for when he played football in high school. So that could be Touchdown DeVolld.
TD DeVolld. Did. Not. Happen.
But that's the short version. The wild version is that it's taken me 40 something years to sort of get past that expectation. When I was in high school, I was editing poetry written by little emo girls for the school literary magazine instead of throwing a football around. Which worked out just fine for me.
I like it, it fits me. There's kind of a lyrical goofiness to it that I enjoy. It's not an egotistical thing, I don't think to say thatI like the sound of my own name, but I do rather enjoy my name now. I'm very easy to call out with minimal effort.
The history of the DeVolld name, was I thought I was the last of a line when my father passed away, but as it happens, there are other DeVolld's in the United States.
We're not quite sure what the name was, prior to the 1920s, when in the immigration papers it was listed as DeVolld. We thought that perhaps it might've been altered from something else. There are other DeVolld's that I've found. There's a banker. There is a Marine biologist who is a competitive horseback archer with the same last name. So apparently it's a fun-loving sort of last name.

I know Troy from the storytelling workshops we used to run. We use those workshops to develop the exercises that we now use to connect teams. We met a whole load of interesting people.
I always love to hear Troy's named story because for me, Touchdown DeVolld, it's hilarious.
I can't stand all forms of football. In fact, check back to episode seven with Blake Whealy if you need any confirmation of that fact.
So for the next story exercise, secure in the knowledge that there'd be no route to a football story, I asked Troy to start his two-minute story with, "My first love..."

My first love was always comic art, graphic art, illustration. And up until my late teens, early twenties, I was absolutely convinced that I was going to be a graphic novel writer. I had become a huge fan early on of a man named Will Eisner who created the comic strip called The Spirit and had written some really beautiful pieces.
A Contract With God. Dropsie Ave. Just wonderful, thoughtful pieces, just beautifully executed. I can't begin to explain the connection I had with his artwork. It wasn't just extremely handsome people wearing leotards. It was, you know, old schlumpy men in overcoats trying to figure out how to keep a tenement building from falling over or those sorts of things.
So I would draw and draw and draw.
I did eventually become a caricature artist. I had some weird bookings. In my teens I was the official cartoonist of what they called the Campbells Super Shootout. Which was, again, the football thing come back to haunt me. The NFL had a fundraiser every year where you would pay several hundred dollars and be issued a white leather football. You walk around the room and get all these football players to sign your football. At the end of the night you'd have this great autographed piece of memorabilia.
The first one I did, I had no idea who anyone was. And a man walked up to my booth and he said, "Oh, are you here all night?"

I said, sure. I said, "Go get your stuff signed and come back whenever."

And he said, “I'm Charlie Batch I quarterback for the Detroit Lions.”

I said, "Oh, it's very nice to meet you, Charlie. I'm sorry. I really don't know anybody."

He goes, "Oh, I know, you’ll know this guy." And across the way, smacking golf balls into a simulated driving range was Herschel Walker.

Thanks Troy.
As I said, no route to a football story, and yet he managed it. The more, I try to avoid football, the more it seems to appear.
Okay. Let's hear Troy's story about connection. And let's also pray, there's no more football.

If there's one thing that I would say I excel at it is connecting with people. Other sorts of people I connect with best uh, people who have proceeded me in the game of life. I love nothing more than having a conversation with someone who's 70, 80, 90 years old about their life, their history and their past.
One of the, sort of the jokes among my friends is I have no friends under 100. I was part of a group here called the caucus for producers, writers and directors for a number of years. It's a lot of television producers who were very active in the 50, 60 seventies, eighties, early nineties.
They had an organization that they put together when producers started to lose control of their work and the networks would struggle with reaching to own the rights to everything. It was a really interesting group of men. One of the founders was a guy named Chuck Fries. I was very lucky to get to know. Chuck had basically invented the television movies format, and to listen to Chuck tell the story was always just something incredible.
And whenever I was feeling really down, he would give advice that was a little too powerful for me, as I had a bit of a crisis of faith of the midpoint of my career. I was let go from show because I had this feeling that the show should make sense and that you shouldn't pay things off that you've never set up.
And an executive network gave me the old heave-ho and I thought, why am I in television if what I'm doing, doesn't even have to make sense? Why did I bother to develop the craft if no one cares when it's executed well? It's all about whatever somebody on a whim thinks you should do.
And I had a conversation with Chuck about that.He'd said, "Well, so the first thing you should know is he says you're never gonna have what I have. Because I made all my money while there was still money and television." Which was no great comfort at all. But he also said, "Don't worry about doing your own things, I didn't start my own company till I was in my forties." Neglecting to mention that he had run Columbia and Screen Gems at different points.
So I always felt like that was a little bit behind. But the fact that the older guys loved to tell stories. I always felt that I connected well with Sam and I felt like there was a certain timelessness to a lot of the advice.
When you connect to people like that, you get advice like pick four restaurants, 2 great places, 2 dumps, one on each side of the hill and only go to those places for 20 years! So that every time you walk in, it's like a big occasion that you've showed up. Who ever you're meeting for business, or pleasure, always thinks that you're kind of a big deal. So that's what I did. I'm having dinner at the smokehouse tonight, which is my nice place

Thanks Troy, and especially thanks for the complete lack of football.
When I listened to Troy's connection story, it made me think about where I look for my connections. Sometimes I found myself seeking connection advice from people in the same industry. And it's, not always been so productive. Years ago, I used to work for the UK Ministry of Defense and I found it difficult to connect with anyone who saw it as a long-term career.
It was such an alien environment to me. And the advice I got from them was to stay in my job long enough to make a difference and achieve something that I could put on my resume, but I just. It was killing me there and I could barely stay in each role for more than about 18 months to two years. However, and ironically, I guess it served me well, and I progressed faster than most, perhaps because of my breadth of experience from changing jobs so much.
Maybe if I'd got my advice elsewhere, I could have felt better whilst I was taking that path. So ask you, where do you look for connection and advice? Do you only try to connect to people in your industry?
Maybe the people who will be able to help you the most will be the least like you because they see the world differently from you.
Anyhow, do you feel like you're getting to know Troy?
If you looked at his LinkedIn profile right now and you needed his help or his advice, would you feel more comfortable having a call with him?
I do hope so. If nothing else, I hope that you've learned that Troy DeVolld is awesome.
I'd love to know what you think, and if you have any comments or questions about this podcast, you can let me know via the comments on the show notes at connectionrequested.com or send me a voice message via the connection requested page on anchor.com.
Please share this podcast, preferably on LinkedIn, and keep on having fun making the best of connections.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/troy-devolld-867a37a9/

Data is great, but humans connect with storytelling.

--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/connection-requested/support